The New York Times article Therapists Report Increase in Green Disputes struck a chord with me. If you’re the type of person who digs permaculture, you’re also, sadly, part of the counterculture in this country. While that kind of outsider status has a certain cachet for many of us, it can also lead to great pain if that outsider status begins to extend into your closest relationships.

While no study has documented how frequent these clashes have become, therapists agree that the green issue can quickly become poisonous because it is so morally charged. Friends or family members who are not devoted to the environmental cause can become irritated by life choices they view as ostentatiously self-denying or politically correct.

Those with a heightened focus on environmental issues, on the other hand, can find it hard to refrain from commenting on things that they view as harmful to Earth — driving an oversize S.U.V., for example.

The article also points out that, in many cases, the rift between couples in particular tends to happen along specific gender lines:

Christienne deTournay Birkhahn, executive director of the EcoMom Alliance, an organization based in Marin County that provides education to women who want to have their families live more sustainably, finds that disputes over how green is green enough often divide along predictable lines by sex.

Women, Ms. Birkhahn said, often see men as not paying sufficient attention to the home. Men, for their part, “really want to make a large impact and aren’t interested in a small impact,” she said.

The article offers “tips” to the more environmentally conscious about how to accommodate the slower-changing members of their household. Mothers are warned to not change the family diet until all members of the family are ready. In other areas, “change only a few things at a time and provide lots of explanation.” The onus of accommodation is put squarely on the person who wants to live a less consumptive lifestyle.

I don’t feel that we need to go into what the article describes as “high priestess” mode, and I’m sure that there are situations where people actually do become very controlling and insistent about the way of life they want. But that’s not always the case. All too often, women who speak up for change, or simply try to live a life in accord with their own values, are cast in this light simply because they’re not serving the status quo.

I do think that, as permies, we need to find ways to express the joy and fun of permaculture…let’s hear it for sustainable hedonism! Although many of us respond to the environmental crisis around us, we need to remember that being in crisis mode all of the time is exhausting for everyone, and ultimately ineffective. I’d love to hear more discussion about how we can do that.

If you make the choices that are in alignment with permaculture and harmony with the planet, the truth is, no matter how much you try to be sensitive about it, you’re going to trigger a response in some people that you’re being judgmental and critical. I urge you not to fall prey to this. Be loving, be kind, be open-minded and value small changes. But do not expend your energy to accommodate others. Don’t put a damper on your own light. Because when they accuse you of being judgmental and critical, they are often responding to a piece of themselves that they’re projecting onto you. And there is nothing you can or should do about that.

Link: Therapists Report Increase in Green Disputes